It has been nearly five years since I have seen your face. I feel like it was yesterday when we were playing in our old home as kids. I miss you so much, I don’t know what to do anymore
I tried contacting mum, but she wouldn’t response to any of my letters. So now here I am, writing to you, hoping that you will write back to me. I don’t care if you write a few sentences; I just want to know that you’re reading this.
I regret my decision to leave Pa, Ma, Adriaan and you. I shouldn’t have left. I’m so sorry.
I feel terrible living with Petrus. He hits me every day. I was a fool to have ever believed I was in love with him. Love is blind. I know the meaning of those words now.
It wasn’t always like this. I admit, I was angry at Pa for forcing me to choose. I didn’t think this through, and now I’m getting punished for this. In my rage, I threw away the one thing that meant the world to me. My family. All of you. Just for some man that I had met.
I wonder, Leon, how is Adriaan doing? Is he all grown up now? God, he must be Pa’s twin by now. I don’t think I will be able to tell him apart from Pa.
If I hadn’t left, I would’ve told him that everyday. I wasn’t there for his childhood. My youngest brother, and I wasn’t there for him. I want to kick myself just thinking about it. Why? Why had I chose to leave him? Abandon my little Adriaan?
I can’t bear the thought of my own children leaving me. Yes, I have two kids, Leon. One boy, one girl. I’m a Ma now. It’s just like me leaving my own Ma. I can’t imagine it without feeling pain. How must Ma feel now that she has lost me, one of her own children?
Or Pa? I betrayed him, Leon. He loved me with all his heart, and begged me to not go. But like a naïve child, I did not listen. I didn’t think it would be so easy to break the bonds between us. I broke it, Leon, just like that. Years of built up love, trust and loyalty, gone, in a matter of seconds.
I can’t do this, Leon. It...